If I like do *I* put a ring on it?

Beyoncé (via last.fm)

Necole Bitchie had a blog recently about how Michael Jai White‘s wife Courtney proposed to him because she was tired of waiting. Ms. Bitchie was simply putting it out there that maybe it is ok for women to propose considering that our men are acting as if they don’t want to. I implore you to pop over there and take a look. She also quoted a very important quote that I’ll share with you over here.

“A stunned White beamed a Kool-Aid smile and responded affirmatively. “I was pleasantly shocked and didn’t feel emasculated at all, ” admits White. “I immediately said ‘yes’ because I knew that I was going to spend the rest of my life with her whether we got married or not.”

Now, here’s where I get started. Well before I get into that quote, let me just say my piece on the topic. I for one, will not be proposing to no man, no time soon. Call me a traditionalist, call me conservative, call me Susan, I don’t care (Sorry Whitney). I just have very solid ideas for how relationships and marriage should work, and I hope to see those things through for myself. I honestly don’t feel as though my *hang-ups* regarding not proposing to a man will end up in me being single for life. In this day and age it seems like the lines are getting reeeeeaaaaaal blurry when it comes to who is the woman and who is the man. I believe in equal pay for women, and women’s rights and such, but (and maybe it’s my religious beliefs) I do believe that there are certain roles we play in relationships that allow things to work cohesively. No matter who makes the most money in my household the man will be the man and I will be the woman. That means he can act as provider, he can fix stuff, and I can be the nurturer and I can run the family. Doing these things doesn’t take away from my independence, my ability to also have a job or anything else (see: Michelle Obama, Claire Huxtable), or even not allow us to occasionally do things in the other’s role. This meaning, he cooks, or I mow the lawn. With that being said, AINT NO WAY, I’m going to let a man think he can be with me for the rest of my life with our without a spiritual commitment. The Bible says (here I go) “He who finds a wife, finds a good thing.” Not.. “She who finds a husband has found a good thing too.” I give props to Mrs. White (or is he Mr. Chatman?) for stepping to the plate and “putting a ring on it.” It just wouldn’t be me.

His above quote shows just how willing he was to keep her waiting for that special day. Was he planning on having children with her? While many feel like marriage is not a requirement for having children, I for one don’t plan on putting the cart before the horse. Things happen, true, but I don’t want to plan on it. In her situation she had only been dating him for a year. To her that may have been too long, and the pressure to get married may have been strong. I don’t think that’s too long to date before getting married so I know I wouldn’t have been feeling the itch too bad. However, to me, if its been years and he’s not asking, I wouldn’t feel like marriage is something he wanted and proposing to him instead would be the last thing on my mind.

I really do wish the best for Mrs. & Mr. Chatman(white?) because no matter how they got there I love to see beautiful married couples. I just can’t wrap my mind around how I could possibly feel comfortable or good knowing that I had to ask HIM, and then knowing that he was content to never ask me at all!

What do the people say? Am I out of the loop and doomed for life until I accept this as a possible reality for myself? Was Beyonce off the mark and instead of being in the club, doin her own lil thing she should have put a ring on him? Questions, questions, DISCUSS!

JG*

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• If I like do *I* put a ring on it? (mogulinc.blogspot.com)
• The right to bare arms (guardian.co.uk)
• Michelle Obama and Oprah Grace the Cover of O Magazine (shoppingblog.com)
• The O Show: Oprah and Michelle on the Cover of Oprah’s Magazine (amazon.com)
• Media advisory – Women gather at UN to condemn the Harper government’s record on women’s rights (newswire.ca)
• Michelle Obama on Cover of O Magazine With Oprah (binside.typepad.com)
• Michelle Obama Is No Jacqueline Kennedy (themoderatevoice.com)
• Partners (gothamgal.com)
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• Barack Obama inauguration: The new family in the Whitehouse (telegraph.co.uk)

If I like do *I* put a ring on it?

Beyoncé (via last.fm)

Necole Bitchie had a blog recently about how Michael Jai White‘s wife Courtney proposed to him because she was tired of waiting. Ms. Bitchie was simply putting it out there that maybe it is ok for women to propose considering that our men are acting as if they don’t want to. I implore you to pop over there and take a look. She also quoted a very important quote that I’ll share with you over here.

“A stunned White beamed a Kool-Aid smile and responded affirmatively. “I was pleasantly shocked and didn’t feel emasculated at all, ” admits White. “I immediately said ‘yes’ because I knew that I was going to spend the rest of my life with her whether we got married or not.”

Now, here’s where I get started. Well before I get into that quote, let me just say my piece on the topic. I for one, will not be proposing to no man, no time soon. Call me a traditionalist, call me conservative, call me Susan, I don’t care (Sorry Whitney). I just have very solid ideas for how relationships and marriage should work, and I hope to see those things through for myself. I honestly don’t feel as though my *hang-ups* regarding not proposing to a man will end up in me being single for life. In this day and age it seems like the lines are getting reeeeeaaaaaal blurry when it comes to who is the woman and who is the man. I believe in equal pay for women, and women’s rights and such, but (and maybe it’s my religious beliefs) I do believe that there are certain roles we play in relationships that allow things to work cohesively. No matter who makes the most money in my household the man will be the man and I will be the woman. That means he can act as provider, he can fix stuff, and I can be the nurturer and I can run the family. Doing these things doesn’t take away from my independence, my ability to also have a job or anything else (see: Michelle Obama, Claire Huxtable), or even not allow us to occasionally do things in the other’s role. This meaning, he cooks, or I mow the lawn. With that being said, AINT NO WAY, I’m going to let a man think he can be with me for the rest of my life with our without a spiritual commitment. The Bible says (here I go) “He who finds a wife, finds a good thing.” Not.. “She who finds a husband has found a good thing too.” I give props to Mrs. White (or is he Mr. Chatman?) for stepping to the plate and “putting a ring on it.” It just wouldn’t be me.

His above quote shows just how willing he was to keep her waiting for that special day. Was he planning on having children with her? While many feel like marriage is not a requirement for having children, I for one don’t plan on putting the cart before the horse. Things happen, true, but I don’t want to plan on it. In her situation she had only been dating him for a year. To her that may have been too long, and the pressure to get married may have been strong. I don’t think that’s too long to date before getting married so I know I wouldn’t have been feeling the itch too bad. However, to me, if its been years and he’s not asking, I wouldn’t feel like marriage is something he wanted and proposing to him instead would be the last thing on my mind.

I really do wish the best for Mrs. & Mr. Chatman(white?) because no matter how they got there I love to see beautiful married couples. I just can’t wrap my mind around how I could possibly feel comfortable or good knowing that I had to ask HIM, and then knowing that he was content to never ask me at all!

What do the people say? Am I out of the loop and doomed for life until I accept this as a possible reality for myself? Was Beyonce off the mark and instead of being in the club, doin her own lil thing she should have put a ring on him? Questions, questions, DISCUSS!

JG*

Related articles by Zemanta

• If I like do *I* put a ring on it? (mogulinc.blogspot.com)
• The right to bare arms (guardian.co.uk)
• Michelle Obama and Oprah Grace the Cover of O Magazine (shoppingblog.com)
• The O Show: Oprah and Michelle on the Cover of Oprah’s Magazine (amazon.com)
• Media advisory – Women gather at UN to condemn the Harper government’s record on women’s rights (newswire.ca)
• Michelle Obama on Cover of O Magazine With Oprah (binside.typepad.com)
• Michelle Obama Is No Jacqueline Kennedy (themoderatevoice.com)
• Partners (gothamgal.com)
• Cherie Blair gives Michelle Obama advice on being ‘first lady’ (telegraph.co.uk)
• Barack Obama inauguration: The new family in the Whitehouse (telegraph.co.uk)

What makes or breaks the wifey?

I really needed a reason to use that song. LOL I love love love me some Pharrell and by default in this song, I love Usher.

This is going to be part of a multi-post discussion of some ideas. I’d love to get you guy’s feedback to make future posts on this topic more conducive to what you all want to talk about.

So as humans, we all have the desire to meet someone we’re attracted to, get to know them, marry, and mate. That can be in any order obviously. While this seems like an easy enough concept, it has proven itself to be quite difficult actually. Especially in this day and age. It seems the economy isn’t the only thing in a recession. What I want to talk about however is the role sex plays in relationships. Specifically for this post I want to talk about the role a woman’s sexuality plays into relationships.

This is partially inspired by the Jump Off vs. Friends with Benefits conversation had over at Single Black Male, but really it’s a thought that I’ve seen many women secretly whisper about. It seems that to a certain extent black women are experiencing our own sexual revolution. Feminism to a certain extent left us in the dust, so we’re just now learning to love and be okay with our sensuality. Or we really? I watch Sex and The City, and I marvel at how these women were sexual, and open about their sexuality. They did things and spoke about things in a way that just made it seem normal and quite alright. Conversations among black women don’t go that way without anyone observing considering them “Whorish”. Of course, we talk to our girlfriends about our sexual escapades but the feeling is definitely different. Here’s why: Our sexual experiences are different. This is especially true for the Professional Black Woman.

I’ve had many conversations with men about how they want a lady in the streets but a freak in the bed. We’ve all heard that saying. To them, Wifey will be the pillar of the community, independent, yet secure enough to let the man be the man, and able to make his toes curl at night. Wonderful. That sounds great to me. So then tell me why have I observed this: A man meets a wonderfule woman. She’s a PBW, educated, socially aware, sweet, the kind of girl you bring home to mom, and make her the mother of your children. They date, enjoy great conversations, and then it’s time to get the business done. First go around is great. She handled hers and he showed out well for the match. All is well, phase two of the relationship can continue. Phase two being After Sex (A.S). You see there’s Before Sex (B.S.) and after. Y’all know there’s a difference. So the two are now being sexual. This woman who is wifey material is everything he could have asked for. This is where things get tricky. This same woman is also very sexual. She loves sex and is open about her likes and dislikes. It’s not something that she has to constantly talk about, or flaunt, but she brings it to his attention some of the things she’s interested in. The man realizes that she’s not virginal, and instantly her wifey status is diminished. I’m not talking about super freaky crazy, swinger swapping stuff and animals. Just on some Common’s “Go” type stuff.

So why does this happen? I’ve heard plenty of men claim they want a L.I.T.S. but a F.I.T.B yet, turn around and say in the same breath that they want their wives to be damn near virginal. I’ve also seen men confuse a woman who is well versed in the bedroom with a woman who has been around the block. The man is still intrigued, but would prefer her to be the Jump Off as opposed to Wifey now. He wants to learn from her, but not learn with her.

On the flip side, I’ve spoken to some of my friends who would love a sexually adventurous woman. However, they still admitted they would seriously question how she came to learn what she did, and why she was open to do certain other acts. However, I feel like this is all irrelevant. There’s a difference between the girl that you know all of your friends and the entire eastern seaboard have ran through, and the girl who may have had that one guy who showed her the ropes. At the end of the day if she’s in good health how much does it matter? If she was wifey to you before, the fact that she may know her way around the bed better than you shouldn’t change that.

So is it male ego? Pride? Should we black women find the happy medium between just laying there and absolutely letting loose? Should we stop reading Zane books and learn how to keep it basic? Or should we be able to explore our sexuality, and have a partner who supports us and explores with us? Are Will and Jada on to something? If you found out that Michelle Obama was a real freaky deek would you take the pedestal from under her? I understand also that what some define as freaky others define as kinky, what some define as kinky, others define as Fetish. Let’s just seek to define the common ground.

I open it up to you guys. I want to later explore more of the Professional Black Woman and her sexuality, as well as the stereotype of the black woman as the Jezebel when other races of women hold no such “title” over their heads. We’ll see how this conversation goes first. 🙂

JG* (no this post is not about me). LOL

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• Most British Teens Have Positive Views About Their First Sexual Experience (medicalnewstoday.com)
• Michelle Obama Stuns in Statement Necklace (shoppingblog.com)
• Joseph A. Palermo: Race and Symbolism in the House Gallery (huffingtonpost.com)
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What makes or breaks the wifey?

I really needed a reason to use that song. LOL I love love love me some Pharrell and by default in this song, I love Usher.

This is going to be part of a multi-post discussion of some ideas. I’d love to get you guy’s feedback to make future posts on this topic more conducive to what you all want to talk about.

So as humans, we all have the desire to meet someone we’re attracted to, get to know them, marry, and mate. That can be in any order obviously. While this seems like an easy enough concept, it has proven itself to be quite difficult actually. Especially in this day and age. It seems the economy isn’t the only thing in a recession. What I want to talk about however is the role sex plays in relationships. Specifically for this post I want to talk about the role a woman’s sexuality plays into relationships.

This is partially inspired by the Jump Off vs. Friends with Benefits conversation had over at Single Black Male, but really it’s a thought that I’ve seen many women secretly whisper about. It seems that to a certain extent black women are experiencing our own sexual revolution. Feminism to a certain extent left us in the dust, so we’re just now learning to love and be okay with our sensuality. Or we really? I watch Sex and The City, and I marvel at how these women were sexual, and open about their sexuality. They did things and spoke about things in a way that just made it seem normal and quite alright. Conversations among black women don’t go that way without anyone observing considering them “Whorish”. Of course, we talk to our girlfriends about our sexual escapades but the feeling is definitely different. Here’s why: Our sexual experiences are different. This is especially true for the Professional Black Woman.

I’ve had many conversations with men about how they want a lady in the streets but a freak in the bed. We’ve all heard that saying. To them, Wifey will be the pillar of the community, independent, yet secure enough to let the man be the man, and able to make his toes curl at night. Wonderful. That sounds great to me. So then tell me why have I observed this: A man meets a wonderfule woman. She’s a PBW, educated, socially aware, sweet, the kind of girl you bring home to mom, and make her the mother of your children. They date, enjoy great conversations, and then it’s time to get the business done. First go around is great. She handled hers and he showed out well for the match. All is well, phase two of the relationship can continue. Phase two being After Sex (A.S). You see there’s Before Sex (B.S.) and after. Y’all know there’s a difference. So the two are now being sexual. This woman who is wifey material is everything he could have asked for. This is where things get tricky. This same woman is also very sexual. She loves sex and is open about her likes and dislikes. It’s not something that she has to constantly talk about, or flaunt, but she brings it to his attention some of the things she’s interested in. The man realizes that she’s not virginal, and instantly her wifey status is diminished. I’m not talking about super freaky crazy, swinger swapping stuff and animals. Just on some Common’s “Go” type stuff.

So why does this happen? I’ve heard plenty of men claim they want a L.I.T.S. but a F.I.T.B yet, turn around and say in the same breath that they want their wives to be damn near virginal. I’ve also seen men confuse a woman who is well versed in the bedroom with a woman who has been around the block. The man is still intrigued, but would prefer her to be the Jump Off as opposed to Wifey now. He wants to learn from her, but not learn with her.

On the flip side, I’ve spoken to some of my friends who would love a sexually adventurous woman. However, they still admitted they would seriously question how she came to learn what she did, and why she was open to do certain other acts. However, I feel like this is all irrelevant. There’s a difference between the girl that you know all of your friends and the entire eastern seaboard have ran through, and the girl who may have had that one guy who showed her the ropes. At the end of the day if she’s in good health how much does it matter? If she was wifey to you before, the fact that she may know her way around the bed better than you shouldn’t change that.

So is it male ego? Pride? Should we black women find the happy medium between just laying there and absolutely letting loose? Should we stop reading Zane books and learn how to keep it basic? Or should we be able to explore our sexuality, and have a partner who supports us and explores with us? Are Will and Jada on to something? If you found out that Michelle Obama was a real freaky deek would you take the pedestal from under her? I understand also that what some define as freaky others define as kinky, what some define as kinky, others define as Fetish. Let’s just seek to define the common ground.

I open it up to you guys. I want to later explore more of the Professional Black Woman and her sexuality, as well as the stereotype of the black woman as the Jezebel when other races of women hold no such “title” over their heads. We’ll see how this conversation goes first. 🙂

JG* (no this post is not about me). LOL

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• Most British Teens Have Positive Views About Their First Sexual Experience (medicalnewstoday.com)
• Michelle Obama Stuns in Statement Necklace (shoppingblog.com)
• Joseph A. Palermo: Race and Symbolism in the House Gallery (huffingtonpost.com)
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Black is the new Black!

Stephen Colbert (via last.fm)

So, before you get all in a tizzy about issues concerning race, just understand these are my opinions, thoughts, rants, etc, and I could be wrong and chances are I am. 🙂 Either way, it’s all fun and about getting dialogue started.

So! It seems that blackness has come full circle, and is actually, the new Black. Last week after the inauguration there was a sense of unity, hope, togetherness, and a crime-free weekend in DC despite the millions of people in one congested place in the freezing cold. Talk about run-on sentences. Last week the world gathered around the old Telly and shared a collective deep sigh at the sight of this country’s first black president. Say it with me: “Awwww”. I cannot tell a lie for fear my nose will grow. I too was awed by the greatness of the moment. I cried more times than I can count, and cheered when I saw Obama walk with extreme swag through the doors to his chair. This moment in our history is major. We all know the implications and honestly if I hear one more time “Did you believe this would happen in your lifetime?” I’m going to cry.

Last week some of our more esteemed media talking heads gave us quite a few things to laugh about or scratch our heads. Larry King kicked things off with “My 8 y/o son now wants to be black“. Hilarity! Now I’m not so quick to get offended here. He’s 8 years old. He has no clue what it’s really like to be black. I had to laugh. Never did I think I’d hear THOSE words. Then my dearest friend over at Comedy Central Stephen Colbert, followed it up with some good ole political comedy that never seems to fail. He mentioned how he really wants to be black now. The he ponders how to make that happen. Perhaps with some make-up? Oh it was funny. Please see it.

So that leads me to my point. Black truly is the new black. Michelle Obama‘s style is being analyzed and scrutinized harder than chinese algebra. The size of her derrière has been the topic of many conversations, whether in envy or digust (!?). Her children are the inspiration for some quite interesting looking hispanic dolls. (I’m sure they were attempting to make them black, but you know. It’s hard to get that good mocha/caramel to come out right. hehe) The new first family has brought the Cosby show to life. They are the living, breathing, Huxtables. Everyone wants to be them, and they are inspiring to people of all colors, creeds, and cultures. How cool is that!?

So I have a few questions for the readers.

Do you think this will last? How does it feel to have the inspiration for the ideal family model be a black family? How does it make you feel (black/white/asian/hispanic) to hear someone say (jokingly or not) “I wish I were black.”

Interesting right?

JG*

http://jgrunsthecity.wordpress.com

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Black is the new Black!

Stephen Colbert (via last.fm)

So, before you get all in a tizzy about issues concerning race, just understand these are my opinions, thoughts, rants, etc, and I could be wrong and chances are I am. 🙂 Either way, it’s all fun and about getting dialogue started.

So! It seems that blackness has come full circle, and is actually, the new Black. Last week after the inauguration there was a sense of unity, hope, togetherness, and a crime-free weekend in DC despite the millions of people in one congested place in the freezing cold. Talk about run-on sentences. Last week the world gathered around the old Telly and shared a collective deep sigh at the sight of this country’s first black president. Say it with me: “Awwww”. I cannot tell a lie for fear my nose will grow. I too was awed by the greatness of the moment. I cried more times than I can count, and cheered when I saw Obama walk with extreme swag through the doors to his chair. This moment in our history is major. We all know the implications and honestly if I hear one more time “Did you believe this would happen in your lifetime?” I’m going to cry.

Last week some of our more esteemed media talking heads gave us quite a few things to laugh about or scratch our heads. Larry King kicked things off with “My 8 y/o son now wants to be black“. Hilarity! Now I’m not so quick to get offended here. He’s 8 years old. He has no clue what it’s really like to be black. I had to laugh. Never did I think I’d hear THOSE words. Then my dearest friend over at Comedy Central Stephen Colbert, followed it up with some good ole political comedy that never seems to fail. He mentioned how he really wants to be black now. The he ponders how to make that happen. Perhaps with some make-up? Oh it was funny. Please see it.

So that leads me to my point. Black truly is the new black. Michelle Obama‘s style is being analyzed and scrutinized harder than chinese algebra. The size of her derrière has been the topic of many conversations, whether in envy or digust (!?). Her children are the inspiration for some quite interesting looking hispanic dolls. (I’m sure they were attempting to make them black, but you know. It’s hard to get that good mocha/caramel to come out right. hehe) The new first family has brought the Cosby show to life. They are the living, breathing, Huxtables. Everyone wants to be them, and they are inspiring to people of all colors, creeds, and cultures. How cool is that!?

So I have a few questions for the readers.

Do you think this will last? How does it feel to have the inspiration for the ideal family model be a black family? How does it make you feel (black/white/asian/hispanic) to hear someone say (jokingly or not) “I wish I were black.”

Interesting right?

JG*

http://jgrunsthecity.wordpress.com

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• Black first family ‘changes everything’ (cnn.com)
• Michelle Obama Stuns in Statement Necklace (shoppingblog.com)
• Kanye West Denies His Namesake Twitter Is Actually His Twitter (rollingstone.com)
• Larry King: ‘Black is in.’ (thinkprogress.org)
• Viacom pulls nine channels from Time Warner US cable network (guardian.co.uk)
• First Lady Michelle Obama’s Official Portrait (shoppingblog.com)
• Tribune running out of Obama material (chicagoist.com)
• Michelle Obama Just Can’t Catch A Break (perezhilton.com)
• News Ticker: Notorious B.I.G., Kanye West, Van Halen, Puscifer (idiomag.com)
• Timothy Cooper: A Dream Obtained: The Future of Black Politics (huffingtonpost.com)